Boston vs NYC: Duking out the Greatest Rivalry Since Cain and Abel

As I mentioned in my first post, I'm a born-and-bred Masshole who moved to New York City a couple of years ago. I've been lucky enough to spend my life in the best cities in MA and NY, and don't even try to argue otherwise. Neither Worcester nor Albany could hold a birthday-cake-candle to Boston and NYC. Conversely, Worcester and Albany don't argue like bratty step-siblings about everything (*ahem* Boston and NYC). Whether it be sports, public transit, or famous food, these cities and their inhabitants can't seem to agree on the right way to do anything, because of course 'our' way is always best. 

Both cities have special spots in my heart (only the Boston spot bleeds when one of our sports teams loses, but more on that later). Like all things, Boston and ze Big Apple each have a plethora of pros and cons, so I'm gonna hash out the pluses (+) and minuses (--) for my favorite metropolises. 

Boston

+Riding the swan boats and climbing all over the Make Way for Ducklings statues in Boston Common is a rite-of-passage for any Masshole kid (or adult-- the fun transcends age and "maturity").

+Boston and MA as a whole have some of the richest histories in the country. In fact, the Founding Fathers heard Paul Revere's warning from their Massachusetts homes. And they definitely weren't tossing tea into the Gulf of Mexico.

Swan Boats at the Public Garden

Yours truly with the Ducklings statues

--Driving or even walking through Boston requires a compass and whistle for when I inevitably get lost, have to hug a mailbox, and shout for help.The subway doesn't run all night, and when it is running, the MBTA finds some way to make life difficult (three hour delays anyone?). 

--Reasonably priced parking near any desirable location? Dream on. It's usually an expensive nightmare, and especially annoying when you kill your rental car’s battery in the $22/hour Prudential parking lot and don't have your AAA card. Not that that ever happened to me at midnight a couple days before Christmas... 

NYC
+I don’t have to drive! Hallelujah for my wallet because my insurance costs are higher than Snoop Dogg was in the 90's. The extensive subway system and your feet can take you everywhere [worth going]; far away areas of Queens and the Bronx need not apply.
+New York has a definite magnetism. Be it Rockefeller Plaza at Christmas, or the East Village on a random Friday night, New York draws you in. Listening to some Frank Sinatra and walking to Grand Central Station creates a better high than any drug (crack is whack, stay in school). 

Walk this way to public transit.

--It usually reeks in New York, and it's pretty inescapable. Pray for a perpetual sinus infection to be spared from the NYC stench.
--The Yankees. Enough said. #ReversedTheCurse2004

The Big Apple and Boston aren't always at odds with one another, in fact they have a fair amount of common ground. Both these cities are home to nasty rivers-- NYC's East River is a glorified body dumping ground (I've never seen one, but Law&Order SVU would suggest otherwise). And in Boston, the Charles is still toxic, even after all the cleaning attempts over the decades. NYC and Boston can boast intensely prideful inhabitants (I <3 NY and #BostonStrong, anyone?), and we effing love our sports teams.

Dunks of the Day
Large Vanilla Iced Coffee. 6 Splendas. Not enough caffeine.

America and I run on Dunks

It’s Always Shorts Weather, Man Up

Ah, the icy tundra with the howling winds. Snow. Snow everywhere. The blinding whiteness reflecting the sun's luminescent rays as I pulled onto the Mass Pike. I zip through the falling flakes as some Masshole in a Jeep honks and waves at me with one finger...
Fond memories of winter/last week in MA.

For those of you living outside of the Bay State, you may not be aware of the insane amount of snow that fell there this winter. Central Mass looked like Syracuse, it was so covered in the powdery white stuff (no, I'm not talking about drugs). The snow banks in my hometown were 10 feet high (as estimated by the most reliable measuring source around-- my father). Massachusetts was the true location of the snow-pocalypse, and laid claim to 3 of the 5 top snowiest US cities this winter.

Snow stats 2015

Needless to say, I'm grateful to have avoided the shoveling by camping out here in New York. Here in Big Apple, the number of feet of snow that we got rhymes with "hero", and I'm pretty okay with that. The funny thing is that even though New York had a wicked mild winter, people were bundled up like Arctic explorers. This silly layering-and-three-scarves idea is unfathomable to me, because in MA it's always shorts weather.

After a certain point, it doesn't matter where we are going, be it to Dunkies or a concert, the shorts come on, and the calves come out. Maybe the cold has affected our decision-making skills. Maybe we're too thick-headed to notice the frigid temperatures.Whether its sunny and 75, or snowing and below freezing, you can always find Massholes living their lives (and thriving) in completely weather-inappropriate clothes.

Walk into any Mass high school in December, and you'll find a ridiculous number of students rocking the cargo shorts and Timberland boots. Throw on a New England college or sport team's shirt and you're the Karl Lagerfeld of MA fashion (at least in the 413 to the 508). Girls participate in this trend with the mini-skirt and Ugg boots combo. It definitely isn't stylish, but it's the regulated Masshole winter uniform.

A Masshole teenager in traditional winter dress

To sum it up... Yes, I know that there's snow on the ground. No, I don't mind the wind on my knees at all, Yes Mom, I'll be warm enough. And hell yes I'll still be drinking an iced Dunks coffee in a blizzard.

Daily Dunks: Raspberry Iced Tea that I sorely wished was coffee. I'm not addicted, I promise.

No One Parks in Harvard Yard

Hi there, and welcome to Masshole in the Big Apple-- a blog where you'll find posts about how to pronounce Massachusetts towns like Leicester (it's only two syllables), tips and tricks to survive rush-hour driving on the Mass Pike, and the religion that is New England Sports, plus my New York-perspective on the Masshole culture.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this terminology, let me give you a quick break down, courtesy of DWowww on Urban Dictionary:

"1.) According to an outsider... the word Masshole is used to describe someone from Massachusetts who is a bad driver, obnoxious, belligerent, and arrogant.

2.) To a Masshole... it's a word we take with the utmost pride. We consider it a compliment.
We're not bad drivers...it's actually more like efficient aggressiveness. Maybe it pisses you off, but hey we get to where we need to be in a timely manner.

Obnoxious & belligerent? Yes. But this is something we also take with pride. Who cares if I'm dancing on my chair at a Sox game singing 'Sweet Caroline' at the top of my lungs while double fisting 2 beers? I sure don't...and if you do, then I'm having more fun than you are.

And arrogant? Abso-freaking-lutely."

Being a born-and-bred Bay-Stater, I can confirm all of these attributes as necessary qualifications to achieve Masshole-status, and that we love this (slightly) profane label.
While Massachusetts and New York have been in the biggest rivalry since Cain and Abel, I've been lucky enough to experience and love both of these great places. 

Stay tuned for a 'Dunks of the Day' post featuring a daily drink of the gods (aka Dunkin coffee) and a chance to win a DD gift card.

P.S. If you try to "pahk ya cah at Hahvad Yahd", you'll fersure get towed. Parking on a campus quad is considered a no-no, even to Masshole drivers.

Harvard Yard at Harvard University