Massholes Take the MoMA

My sister from the 508 came to NYC for a long weekend, and becuase she's a cool kid, we went to the MoMA (or the Museum of Modern Art for the plebeians out there).

We walked from Herald Square to the MoMA, which is only 15 blocks, but in 3 degree weather, it was The Nightmare. Even though it's always shorts weather for Massholes, this was cold & RIDIC. Before we got going, we stopped at a Dunks, and weirded out the cashiers by ordering iced coffees. We explained to them that "it was a Masshole thing", but they were zero percent  convinced.

So freezing. So worth it.

After slogging uptown to the MoMA, we quickly realized what disturbing reality we had just payed to enter. Dear God, was it disturbing.

We started on the 2nd floor, at an exhibit called "Take an Object" which looked like insanity captured on canvases and other mediums. The sis and I visibly recoiled at pretty much every piece of "art" that we saw. It's like the artist combined three recreational drugs, injected them intravenously, smushed together some paint and things, and made up a deep backstory for what it represents. And those backstories only make sense when you're on drugs as well, so....

Some of the most disturbing pieces we saw are...

"Art No. 1": This terrifying armchair covered in dirty, white... dildos?

Uhhhhhhhhhh...

"Art No. 2": Chicken wire in a cylindrical shape with long hair tied to it. Yum. Seriously, what could this represent, other than the newest villain of one of my recurring nightmares?

Massholes wearing sunglasses indoors & not getting the "art".

"Art No. 3": Rocks. Literally. What is so poignant about stones in a glass case? This is the kind of "art" installment I'd make if I was totally wasted and desperate. 

The kid I nanny could make this. He's 4.

On our way up to the other levels of the museum, we saw a rehearsal for some unknown installment going on. No one spoke, the actors moved in jolting, weird ways, and everyone looked pained to be in that painfully bizarre situation. It lasted the three hours we were at the museum. Three. Hours. 

Overall, it was a good experience to have, but these Masshole siblings are going to say "been there, never going back" to the MoMA after this first visit. We've been disturbed enough for a lifetime after our adventure there. I think we'll be sticking to the Met. 

So, who's afraid terrified of modern art? These Masshole ladies, for sure.

Leave a comment telling me your favorite piece of art, and/or your fave museum to spend the day in!

Dunkin' Donuts-- Our Other Religion

Coffee, coffee, coffee. I love it. It is my life-blood, the best part of my mornings. If I could get coffee administered intravenously, I would. And as a Masshole, my coffee loyalty lies with the pink and orange of Dunkin' Donuts.

We love our Dunkin', almost as much as we love the Sox (see New England Sports post for details). Walk into any high school/place of work/mall/physical space in Massachusetts, and you're likely to spot at least one Dunkin' Donuts cup. And I mean, it makes sense-- there's one every couple of exits on the highway, and one in every town in MA that matters.

Seriously.

Most of the Dunks' drinks you'll see will be iced coffee. This goes back to our inability to notice frigid temperatures, but Massholes will drink their iced Dunks in any weather. (We're kind of like the postal service of cold beverages, "neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night... will deter us from a giant iced coffee.)

Dunks has more than coffee; they serve a pretty extensive menu of dessert for breakfast, and bagels. It's actually a sweet deal-- caffeinate yourself, and carbo-load at the same time? Masshole genius.

NYC isn't immune to the power of Dunkin' Donuts (thank God). There are locations around the US that are hundreds of miles removed from a Dunks, an it always feels like I've left civilization when that happens. In New York City, I live within a 5 block radius of three, and there are two Dunks in the immediate area of my campus. While the Big Apple isn't fiercely loyal to DD like Massachusetts is, it's still a wide-spread, and gloriously easily-accessed watering hole for your caffeine (hot or iced) needs in the big city. 

You've all heard the classic tagline for Dunkin', which is "America Runs on Dunkin'". Massholes know better. With Dunks being the official coffee of most/all of our sports teams, and having locations every couple of miles around the state, we know that its us that "run on Dunkin'"

And so my dear readers, the time has come for your chance to win a Dunkin' Donuts gift card, provided by yours truly. Leave a comment on this post with your favorite song by a Boston band or your favorite thing to get at Dunks, and you could be the proud owner of a $15 Dunks gift card. Winner will be announced on Saturday. 

It’s Always Shorts Weather, Man Up

Ah, the icy tundra with the howling winds. Snow. Snow everywhere. The blinding whiteness reflecting the sun's luminescent rays as I pulled onto the Mass Pike. I zip through the falling flakes as some Masshole in a Jeep honks and waves at me with one finger...
Fond memories of winter/last week in MA.

For those of you living outside of the Bay State, you may not be aware of the insane amount of snow that fell there this winter. Central Mass looked like Syracuse, it was so covered in the powdery white stuff (no, I'm not talking about drugs). The snow banks in my hometown were 10 feet high (as estimated by the most reliable measuring source around-- my father). Massachusetts was the true location of the snow-pocalypse, and laid claim to 3 of the 5 top snowiest US cities this winter.

Snow stats 2015

Needless to say, I'm grateful to have avoided the shoveling by camping out here in New York. Here in Big Apple, the number of feet of snow that we got rhymes with "hero", and I'm pretty okay with that. The funny thing is that even though New York had a wicked mild winter, people were bundled up like Arctic explorers. This silly layering-and-three-scarves idea is unfathomable to me, because in MA it's always shorts weather.

After a certain point, it doesn't matter where we are going, be it to Dunkies or a concert, the shorts come on, and the calves come out. Maybe the cold has affected our decision-making skills. Maybe we're too thick-headed to notice the frigid temperatures.Whether its sunny and 75, or snowing and below freezing, you can always find Massholes living their lives (and thriving) in completely weather-inappropriate clothes.

Walk into any Mass high school in December, and you'll find a ridiculous number of students rocking the cargo shorts and Timberland boots. Throw on a New England college or sport team's shirt and you're the Karl Lagerfeld of MA fashion (at least in the 413 to the 508). Girls participate in this trend with the mini-skirt and Ugg boots combo. It definitely isn't stylish, but it's the regulated Masshole winter uniform.

A Masshole teenager in traditional winter dress

To sum it up... Yes, I know that there's snow on the ground. No, I don't mind the wind on my knees at all, Yes Mom, I'll be warm enough. And hell yes I'll still be drinking an iced Dunks coffee in a blizzard.

Daily Dunks: Raspberry Iced Tea that I sorely wished was coffee. I'm not addicted, I promise.