It’s Always Shorts Weather, Man Up

Ah, the icy tundra with the howling winds. Snow. Snow everywhere. The blinding whiteness reflecting the sun's luminescent rays as I pulled onto the Mass Pike. I zip through the falling flakes as some Masshole in a Jeep honks and waves at me with one finger...
Fond memories of winter/last week in MA.

For those of you living outside of the Bay State, you may not be aware of the insane amount of snow that fell there this winter. Central Mass looked like Syracuse, it was so covered in the powdery white stuff (no, I'm not talking about drugs). The snow banks in my hometown were 10 feet high (as estimated by the most reliable measuring source around-- my father). Massachusetts was the true location of the snow-pocalypse, and laid claim to 3 of the 5 top snowiest US cities this winter.

Snow stats 2015

Needless to say, I'm grateful to have avoided the shoveling by camping out here in New York. Here in Big Apple, the number of feet of snow that we got rhymes with "hero", and I'm pretty okay with that. The funny thing is that even though New York had a wicked mild winter, people were bundled up like Arctic explorers. This silly layering-and-three-scarves idea is unfathomable to me, because in MA it's always shorts weather.

After a certain point, it doesn't matter where we are going, be it to Dunkies or a concert, the shorts come on, and the calves come out. Maybe the cold has affected our decision-making skills. Maybe we're too thick-headed to notice the frigid temperatures.Whether its sunny and 75, or snowing and below freezing, you can always find Massholes living their lives (and thriving) in completely weather-inappropriate clothes.

Walk into any Mass high school in December, and you'll find a ridiculous number of students rocking the cargo shorts and Timberland boots. Throw on a New England college or sport team's shirt and you're the Karl Lagerfeld of MA fashion (at least in the 413 to the 508). Girls participate in this trend with the mini-skirt and Ugg boots combo. It definitely isn't stylish, but it's the regulated Masshole winter uniform.

A Masshole teenager in traditional winter dress

To sum it up... Yes, I know that there's snow on the ground. No, I don't mind the wind on my knees at all, Yes Mom, I'll be warm enough. And hell yes I'll still be drinking an iced Dunks coffee in a blizzard.

Daily Dunks: Raspberry Iced Tea that I sorely wished was coffee. I'm not addicted, I promise.