Massholes Take the MoMA

My sister from the 508 came to NYC for a long weekend, and becuase she's a cool kid, we went to the MoMA (or the Museum of Modern Art for the plebeians out there).

We walked from Herald Square to the MoMA, which is only 15 blocks, but in 3 degree weather, it was The Nightmare. Even though it's always shorts weather for Massholes, this was cold & RIDIC. Before we got going, we stopped at a Dunks, and weirded out the cashiers by ordering iced coffees. We explained to them that "it was a Masshole thing", but they were zero percent  convinced.

So freezing. So worth it.

After slogging uptown to the MoMA, we quickly realized what disturbing reality we had just payed to enter. Dear God, was it disturbing.

We started on the 2nd floor, at an exhibit called "Take an Object" which looked like insanity captured on canvases and other mediums. The sis and I visibly recoiled at pretty much every piece of "art" that we saw. It's like the artist combined three recreational drugs, injected them intravenously, smushed together some paint and things, and made up a deep backstory for what it represents. And those backstories only make sense when you're on drugs as well, so....

Some of the most disturbing pieces we saw are...

"Art No. 1": This terrifying armchair covered in dirty, white... dildos?

Uhhhhhhhhhh...

"Art No. 2": Chicken wire in a cylindrical shape with long hair tied to it. Yum. Seriously, what could this represent, other than the newest villain of one of my recurring nightmares?

Massholes wearing sunglasses indoors & not getting the "art".

"Art No. 3": Rocks. Literally. What is so poignant about stones in a glass case? This is the kind of "art" installment I'd make if I was totally wasted and desperate. 

The kid I nanny could make this. He's 4.

On our way up to the other levels of the museum, we saw a rehearsal for some unknown installment going on. No one spoke, the actors moved in jolting, weird ways, and everyone looked pained to be in that painfully bizarre situation. It lasted the three hours we were at the museum. Three. Hours. 

Overall, it was a good experience to have, but these Masshole siblings are going to say "been there, never going back" to the MoMA after this first visit. We've been disturbed enough for a lifetime after our adventure there. I think we'll be sticking to the Met. 

So, who's afraid terrified of modern art? These Masshole ladies, for sure.

Leave a comment telling me your favorite piece of art, and/or your fave museum to spend the day in!

Historically Accurate (You’re Welcome America)

I'm sure the last thing you want on the Internet is a schooling lesson from yours truly. Have no fear-- this is Masshole History 617, and you'll ace it.

Massachusetts has played a significant role in American history since the Pilgrims, seeking religious freedom, founded Plymouth Colony in 1620. As one of the most important of the 13 colonies, and one of the six New England states, Massachusetts became a leader in resisting British oppression. In 1773, the Boston Tea Party protested unjust taxation. English explorer and colonist John Smith named the state for the Massachuset tribe. Boston, the state capital, was a hotbed of activity, including the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party, during the American Revolution. Our state is also known for sparking the American Industrial Revolution with the growth of textile mills in Lowell, and for its large Irish-American population.

We've been around forever. Massholes were at the birth of our great nation, 
and continue to thrive in their native habitat.

Capital: Boston; "Bahstahn"

Population: 6,547,629 (2010)

Nickname: Bay State

Motto: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (“By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty”)

Flower: mayflower (1918)

Tree: American elm (1941)

Bird: Chickadee (1941)

Song: “All Hail to Massachusetts” (1966)-- I figured it was "Shipping Up to Boston"...

Beverage: Cranberry juice (1970)-- The bogs are so gorgeous. And you thought the Cape was all sand and booze.

Insect: Ladybug (1974)-- So cute!

Cookie: chocolate chip (1997)-- The ubiquitous Tollhouse Chocolate chip cookie was invented by Ruth Wakefield, an inn owner in Whitman, MA. 

Dessert: Boston cream pie (1996)-- Is it even a question?


Historical Sites You Went on Field Trips to as a Young'un

Carriage Rides and Churning Butter @ Old Sturbridge Village

Plymouth Rock (the subject of so many School House Rock songs #memories)

THE BRITISH ARE COMING... to Paul Revere's house in Boston

Battleship Cove in Fall River

The New Bedford Whaling Museum

Walking The Freedom Trail

Famous Bay-Staters in History

Samuel Adams patriot
Louisa May Alcott writer
Susan B. Anthony woman suffragist
Clara Barton American Red Cross founder
Benjamin Franklin statesman and scientist
John Hancock statesman
Nathaniel Hawthorne novelist
Herman Melville writer
Edgar Allan Poe writer (nevermore...)
Paul Revere silversmith and Revolutionary War figure
Henry David Thoreau author
Eli Whitney inventor

Needless to say, Massachusetts is home to bad-ass historical figures, epic sites that hold fond memories for us, and anyone who reads a US history book, and a whole mess of adorable official state items. 

Leave a comment sharing your favorite thing about historical MA!