Massholes Take the MoMA

My sister from the 508 came to NYC for a long weekend, and becuase she's a cool kid, we went to the MoMA (or the Museum of Modern Art for the plebeians out there).

We walked from Herald Square to the MoMA, which is only 15 blocks, but in 3 degree weather, it was The Nightmare. Even though it's always shorts weather for Massholes, this was cold & RIDIC. Before we got going, we stopped at a Dunks, and weirded out the cashiers by ordering iced coffees. We explained to them that "it was a Masshole thing", but they were zero percent  convinced.

So freezing. So worth it.

After slogging uptown to the MoMA, we quickly realized what disturbing reality we had just payed to enter. Dear God, was it disturbing.

We started on the 2nd floor, at an exhibit called "Take an Object" which looked like insanity captured on canvases and other mediums. The sis and I visibly recoiled at pretty much every piece of "art" that we saw. It's like the artist combined three recreational drugs, injected them intravenously, smushed together some paint and things, and made up a deep backstory for what it represents. And those backstories only make sense when you're on drugs as well, so....

Some of the most disturbing pieces we saw are...

"Art No. 1": This terrifying armchair covered in dirty, white... dildos?

Uhhhhhhhhhh...

"Art No. 2": Chicken wire in a cylindrical shape with long hair tied to it. Yum. Seriously, what could this represent, other than the newest villain of one of my recurring nightmares?

Massholes wearing sunglasses indoors & not getting the "art".

"Art No. 3": Rocks. Literally. What is so poignant about stones in a glass case? This is the kind of "art" installment I'd make if I was totally wasted and desperate. 

The kid I nanny could make this. He's 4.

On our way up to the other levels of the museum, we saw a rehearsal for some unknown installment going on. No one spoke, the actors moved in jolting, weird ways, and everyone looked pained to be in that painfully bizarre situation. It lasted the three hours we were at the museum. Three. Hours. 

Overall, it was a good experience to have, but these Masshole siblings are going to say "been there, never going back" to the MoMA after this first visit. We've been disturbed enough for a lifetime after our adventure there. I think we'll be sticking to the Met. 

So, who's afraid terrified of modern art? These Masshole ladies, for sure.

Leave a comment telling me your favorite piece of art, and/or your fave museum to spend the day in!

Tom Brady: A New England Treasure

Tom Brady
#12
New England's Sweetheart
FOOTBALL'S NATIONAL TREASURE

Okay, you get the idea. We Massholes LOVE Tom Brady. Adore him. Some might even say we "worship" that football-tossing prince. They would be correct.

Tom Brady is AMAZING for so many reasons, but here are my Top 4 (keeping it a nice, even number)...

1) Tom Brady holds some pretty sweet NFL records. We New Englander's like to set the bar high, and boy did Tommy step up to the plate and deliver. His name is attached to football records that I found on Wikipedia like...

• Highest completion percentage, post-season game (minimum 20 attempts): 92.9
• Highest completion percentage, game (minimum 6 TD passes): 85.3
• Longest pass completion: 99 yards (tied with 12 other QB's)
• Most Passing Touchdowns, Season, Away: 29
• Most Games 3+ TD Passes, Season: 12
• Most consecutive home games with 1+ touchdown pass: 47
• Most Consecutive Uninterrupted Games, 1+ Touchdown Passes: 52
• Most Consecutive Games, 3+ Touchdown Passes: 10
• Most Passing Touchdowns, one quarter: 5

There are dozens more records held and set by Brady, but I don't have room/want to look for them all because he is that good. And I am that lazy. 

THROW LIKE YOU MEAN IT TOMMY!

2) He's got an adorable family (the Brady-Bundchen family is basically a new branch of NE royalty now). Brady and his literal supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen have two adorable kids together (Benjamin and Vivian), and the whole family is unbelievably gorgeous.

10/10 would photograph again.

3) The Superbowl and Tom Brady are basically synonymous by this point. Yeah, he may not have made it this year, but he's played in 6 in his relatively short career, which is wicked impressive for ANY player/quarterback. How many rings do you have Peyton? Hmmmm??? Thought so...

Tommy wearing the heck out of his Superbowl championship rings.

4) Not only is he an amazing quarterback for the best football team to every exist, but Brady is also passionate about volunteering. As a celebrity athlete, Brady can help get charities much needed attention and donations through his participation, and he is very generous in that sense. Brady has volunteered with Best Buddies International, and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, among other charities.

In the Best Buddies bike-a-thon on Cape Cod

There you have it Massholes (and other awesome readers). My top 4 reasons for why Tom Brady is AMAZING. I left out "perfect eye candy" because you'd have to be wicked blind (or boring) to not feel me there. Feast on the pics of Brady in all his glory up above, and leave a comment saying who is your favorite football player and why.

P.S. If it's not Tommy, YOU'RE WRONG. Kay, bye.