Falling for Autumn in the Dead of Winter

In October, I jaunted back to the 508 for a few days to see my family (and their adorable French exchange student). Seeing my parents and mini-Masshole sister was awesome, but so were all the fall-centric New England activities we did.
Here I've compiled a list of all the autumnal things all serious Massholes check off their list during the classic NE season. Please enjoy these photos while we FREEZE under the mountains of snow that are about to be dumped on the East Coast this weekend.

1) Apple Picking

At Berlin Orchard in Berlin, MA

Macs (no, not the computer, you techie)

2) APPLE CIDER DONUTS

Not Dunks, but still wicked awesome

3) Hay Rides

Superior Mode of Transport

4) Checking out the foliage while speeding driving down the Mass Pike

There are so many more amazing things to do during fall in New England, but these are some pf my personal favorites!
Leave a comment with your favorite autumn activity, and think of Massachusetts for your next fall vacation (this perfection is just a few short months away). 

Masshole Clothing from Sully's Brand

Other than highly weather inappropriate shorts in the winter and ubiquitous Red Sox jerseys Massholes don't really have a set "uniform". For most of the Massholes in suburbia, it's safe to assume that you can find them in jeans, a T-shirt and a baseball cap. For the people who live and work in the big city (Boston) donning a tie or maybe a crisp blazer will do the trick. 

However, for those of us that really want to represent our "Masshole pride" look no further in the apparel sold at Sully's Brand clothing.  With a physical location in the lovely town of Peabody, and an online store on the great, wide web, shoppers can find a plethora of Boston and Masshole themed apparel. From hats, to beer steins to sweatshirts emblazoned with "Masshole", "Boston", or any of our sports team logos, Sully's Brand has it all.

I'll link Sully's website for those of you who don't need to read the rest of this post because you're already convinced. However for those of you that are interested in reading the post let me tell you little bit about the item I bought at Sully's.

I am the proud owner of a clever and comfy Masshole T-shirt. Done in the "Jack Daniels label" style, this black and white homage to Mass townie pride is sure to be a wardrobe staple. The crew neck cotton shirt is comfortable enough for lounging around on game day, and shows off your love of the Bay State to a T. Personally, crew necks drive me bananas, so I cut a small notch on mine to loosen the neck, and add a new aesthetic touch.

One of my favorite aspects of this shirt is the word "attitude". Masshole a have plenty of it, and wearing one of my character traits can serve as a proper warning for those that come into contact with me.

Final shout out to Sully's Brand and their dedication to making their customer happy-- they included a free car freshener and bumper sticker with the shirt. While I don't drive in the city (to everyone's benefit), it was a cute touch, and definitely did not go unnoticed.

Overall, a big thanks to Sully's Brand and their fantastic products. Keep doing what you're doing guys, and stay #BostonStrong.

http://www.sullysbrand.com/ 

New England Sports-- It’s a Religion

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate New England sports and all the traditions that accompany our favorite Masshole teams.

You might think I'm kidding about how seriously we Massholes take our sports, but you would be sorely mistaken. To put it in perspective, I've attended at least one Red Sox game every year since I was born, no questions asked. The fan base that surrounds New England professional sports can aptly be described as a religion (maybe even a cult, depending on the season). Keeping with the religious tone of the topic, this post will discuss the "10 Commandments of New England Pro Sports". Sit back, play some Dropkick Murphy's, and add your favorite Masshole sports tradition/team/et cetera in the comments.

1. Thou shalt admit that Fenway is truly the "Masshole Mecca". Die-hard Sox fans make it their life's mission to journey to Fenway as frequently as possible. Our stadium might not be the biggest, newest or fanciest, but it has history, sentimental value and iconic hot dogs that make the experience inimitable. 
   
2. All Massholes shall take rivalries damn seriously. Be it against the Yankees in baseball, or the Lakers in basketball, we stand by our teams, and are relentlessly loyal. These rivalries transcend borders as well, and the Bruins long-standing rivalry with the Montreal Canadiens in hockey is still fiercely present. Some may call our loyalty classless and ridiculous; we call it love. 
3. Ye shall always revere the Sox reversing the curse. The 2004 World Series was one of the greatest moments for Boston fans. It trumped every momentous event in your life, including your cousin's wedding, getting that new puppy and passing the bar (not that bar, you lush). 
4. Thou shall root for two baseball teams-- the Red Sox and whoever beats the damn Yankees. *Slogan available on t-shirts everywhere in the 617
5. Ye all secretly wish the Celtics would bring the Larry Bird- style shorts back as the team's official uniform. Short-shorts and a tucked-in shirt have never looked so good. 
   
6. Ye Masshole fans shall be constantly agitated on game day, no matter if we're winning or losing. We invest ourselves so deeply into every games that we can't sit still during for more than half an inning/quarter/period (sometimes because we're making multiple trips back to the snack bar to grab more beer and pretzels). Even when you're watching at home, the emotional investment doesn't waver  bit. Masshole-centric neighborhoods echo with the collective cheers/groans/"LUUUUUUUC"/insults at the ref during game day. 
7. Thou shalt shed a tear whenever our teams win a championship (most recently when we slayed at the Superbowl-- the tears were ever-flowing). My dad still gets weepy when anyone mentions the 2001 Pats win. Even this wicked glorious image makes you a little teary in the best possible way.
   
8. Ye all (men and women) will openly admit Tom Brady is a national treasure, and supporting his gorgeous face both on and off the field. The man, the myth, the legend, the perfection. 
9. Ye shall attend at least one Rhode Island Pawtucket Red Sox games once in your life. Go take a little road trip to McCoy Stadium.The minor leagues deserve our support just as much as the big guys. 
10. Thou shalt take joy in upholding the traditions of sporting events. Singing "Sweet Caroline" at a Sox game, tailgating in the Gillette Stadium parking lot before at Pats game, getting an iconic Fenway Frank, and hating the Habs are all part of being a Boston fan, and we wouldn't trade it for all the Yankees World Series pennants. 
    

New York sports teams are arguably the biggest rivals of New England teams, the Yankees, and Giants being two of the more (in)famous ones. The nightmare of wearing a Boston jersey in any of the 5 boroughs is wicked real (I may be a crazy Masshole, but I’m not insane-- you’ll never catch me in a Big Papi shirt above 125^th street). And to any “Massholes” who own a Yankees hat, get your priorities straight and come back to the light side—we have Belichick. 

Dunks of the Day: Iced coffee (IT'S WICKED NICE WEATHER OUT HALLE-FRICKIN-LUJAH!) with blueberry flavor. I'm not going to bother talking about the Sweet'n'Low count...

It’s Always Shorts Weather, Man Up

Ah, the icy tundra with the howling winds. Snow. Snow everywhere. The blinding whiteness reflecting the sun's luminescent rays as I pulled onto the Mass Pike. I zip through the falling flakes as some Masshole in a Jeep honks and waves at me with one finger...
Fond memories of winter/last week in MA.

For those of you living outside of the Bay State, you may not be aware of the insane amount of snow that fell there this winter. Central Mass looked like Syracuse, it was so covered in the powdery white stuff (no, I'm not talking about drugs). The snow banks in my hometown were 10 feet high (as estimated by the most reliable measuring source around-- my father). Massachusetts was the true location of the snow-pocalypse, and laid claim to 3 of the 5 top snowiest US cities this winter.

Snow stats 2015

Needless to say, I'm grateful to have avoided the shoveling by camping out here in New York. Here in Big Apple, the number of feet of snow that we got rhymes with "hero", and I'm pretty okay with that. The funny thing is that even though New York had a wicked mild winter, people were bundled up like Arctic explorers. This silly layering-and-three-scarves idea is unfathomable to me, because in MA it's always shorts weather.

After a certain point, it doesn't matter where we are going, be it to Dunkies or a concert, the shorts come on, and the calves come out. Maybe the cold has affected our decision-making skills. Maybe we're too thick-headed to notice the frigid temperatures.Whether its sunny and 75, or snowing and below freezing, you can always find Massholes living their lives (and thriving) in completely weather-inappropriate clothes.

Walk into any Mass high school in December, and you'll find a ridiculous number of students rocking the cargo shorts and Timberland boots. Throw on a New England college or sport team's shirt and you're the Karl Lagerfeld of MA fashion (at least in the 413 to the 508). Girls participate in this trend with the mini-skirt and Ugg boots combo. It definitely isn't stylish, but it's the regulated Masshole winter uniform.

A Masshole teenager in traditional winter dress

To sum it up... Yes, I know that there's snow on the ground. No, I don't mind the wind on my knees at all, Yes Mom, I'll be warm enough. And hell yes I'll still be drinking an iced Dunks coffee in a blizzard.

Daily Dunks: Raspberry Iced Tea that I sorely wished was coffee. I'm not addicted, I promise.

No One Parks in Harvard Yard

Hi there, and welcome to Masshole in the Big Apple-- a blog where you'll find posts about how to pronounce Massachusetts towns like Leicester (it's only two syllables), tips and tricks to survive rush-hour driving on the Mass Pike, and the religion that is New England Sports, plus my New York-perspective on the Masshole culture.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this terminology, let me give you a quick break down, courtesy of DWowww on Urban Dictionary:

"1.) According to an outsider... the word Masshole is used to describe someone from Massachusetts who is a bad driver, obnoxious, belligerent, and arrogant.

2.) To a Masshole... it's a word we take with the utmost pride. We consider it a compliment.
We're not bad drivers...it's actually more like efficient aggressiveness. Maybe it pisses you off, but hey we get to where we need to be in a timely manner.

Obnoxious & belligerent? Yes. But this is something we also take with pride. Who cares if I'm dancing on my chair at a Sox game singing 'Sweet Caroline' at the top of my lungs while double fisting 2 beers? I sure don't...and if you do, then I'm having more fun than you are.

And arrogant? Abso-freaking-lutely."

Being a born-and-bred Bay-Stater, I can confirm all of these attributes as necessary qualifications to achieve Masshole-status, and that we love this (slightly) profane label.
While Massachusetts and New York have been in the biggest rivalry since Cain and Abel, I've been lucky enough to experience and love both of these great places. 

Stay tuned for a 'Dunks of the Day' post featuring a daily drink of the gods (aka Dunkin coffee) and a chance to win a DD gift card.

P.S. If you try to "pahk ya cah at Hahvad Yahd", you'll fersure get towed. Parking on a campus quad is considered a no-no, even to Masshole drivers.

Harvard Yard at Harvard University