Tom Brady: A New England Treasure

Tom Brady
#12
New England's Sweetheart
FOOTBALL'S NATIONAL TREASURE

Okay, you get the idea. We Massholes LOVE Tom Brady. Adore him. Some might even say we "worship" that football-tossing prince. They would be correct.

Tom Brady is AMAZING for so many reasons, but here are my Top 4 (keeping it a nice, even number)...

1) Tom Brady holds some pretty sweet NFL records. We New Englander's like to set the bar high, and boy did Tommy step up to the plate and deliver. His name is attached to football records that I found on Wikipedia like...

• Highest completion percentage, post-season game (minimum 20 attempts): 92.9
• Highest completion percentage, game (minimum 6 TD passes): 85.3
• Longest pass completion: 99 yards (tied with 12 other QB's)
• Most Passing Touchdowns, Season, Away: 29
• Most Games 3+ TD Passes, Season: 12
• Most consecutive home games with 1+ touchdown pass: 47
• Most Consecutive Uninterrupted Games, 1+ Touchdown Passes: 52
• Most Consecutive Games, 3+ Touchdown Passes: 10
• Most Passing Touchdowns, one quarter: 5

There are dozens more records held and set by Brady, but I don't have room/want to look for them all because he is that good. And I am that lazy. 

THROW LIKE YOU MEAN IT TOMMY!

2) He's got an adorable family (the Brady-Bundchen family is basically a new branch of NE royalty now). Brady and his literal supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen have two adorable kids together (Benjamin and Vivian), and the whole family is unbelievably gorgeous.

10/10 would photograph again.

3) The Superbowl and Tom Brady are basically synonymous by this point. Yeah, he may not have made it this year, but he's played in 6 in his relatively short career, which is wicked impressive for ANY player/quarterback. How many rings do you have Peyton? Hmmmm??? Thought so...

Tommy wearing the heck out of his Superbowl championship rings.

4) Not only is he an amazing quarterback for the best football team to every exist, but Brady is also passionate about volunteering. As a celebrity athlete, Brady can help get charities much needed attention and donations through his participation, and he is very generous in that sense. Brady has volunteered with Best Buddies International, and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, among other charities.

In the Best Buddies bike-a-thon on Cape Cod

There you have it Massholes (and other awesome readers). My top 4 reasons for why Tom Brady is AMAZING. I left out "perfect eye candy" because you'd have to be wicked blind (or boring) to not feel me there. Feast on the pics of Brady in all his glory up above, and leave a comment saying who is your favorite football player and why.

P.S. If it's not Tommy, YOU'RE WRONG. Kay, bye.

New England Sports-- It’s a Religion

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate New England sports and all the traditions that accompany our favorite Masshole teams.

You might think I'm kidding about how seriously we Massholes take our sports, but you would be sorely mistaken. To put it in perspective, I've attended at least one Red Sox game every year since I was born, no questions asked. The fan base that surrounds New England professional sports can aptly be described as a religion (maybe even a cult, depending on the season). Keeping with the religious tone of the topic, this post will discuss the "10 Commandments of New England Pro Sports". Sit back, play some Dropkick Murphy's, and add your favorite Masshole sports tradition/team/et cetera in the comments.

1. Thou shalt admit that Fenway is truly the "Masshole Mecca". Die-hard Sox fans make it their life's mission to journey to Fenway as frequently as possible. Our stadium might not be the biggest, newest or fanciest, but it has history, sentimental value and iconic hot dogs that make the experience inimitable. 
   
2. All Massholes shall take rivalries damn seriously. Be it against the Yankees in baseball, or the Lakers in basketball, we stand by our teams, and are relentlessly loyal. These rivalries transcend borders as well, and the Bruins long-standing rivalry with the Montreal Canadiens in hockey is still fiercely present. Some may call our loyalty classless and ridiculous; we call it love. 
3. Ye shall always revere the Sox reversing the curse. The 2004 World Series was one of the greatest moments for Boston fans. It trumped every momentous event in your life, including your cousin's wedding, getting that new puppy and passing the bar (not that bar, you lush). 
4. Thou shall root for two baseball teams-- the Red Sox and whoever beats the damn Yankees. *Slogan available on t-shirts everywhere in the 617
5. Ye all secretly wish the Celtics would bring the Larry Bird- style shorts back as the team's official uniform. Short-shorts and a tucked-in shirt have never looked so good. 
   
6. Ye Masshole fans shall be constantly agitated on game day, no matter if we're winning or losing. We invest ourselves so deeply into every games that we can't sit still during for more than half an inning/quarter/period (sometimes because we're making multiple trips back to the snack bar to grab more beer and pretzels). Even when you're watching at home, the emotional investment doesn't waver  bit. Masshole-centric neighborhoods echo with the collective cheers/groans/"LUUUUUUUC"/insults at the ref during game day. 
7. Thou shalt shed a tear whenever our teams win a championship (most recently when we slayed at the Superbowl-- the tears were ever-flowing). My dad still gets weepy when anyone mentions the 2001 Pats win. Even this wicked glorious image makes you a little teary in the best possible way.
   
8. Ye all (men and women) will openly admit Tom Brady is a national treasure, and supporting his gorgeous face both on and off the field. The man, the myth, the legend, the perfection. 
9. Ye shall attend at least one Rhode Island Pawtucket Red Sox games once in your life. Go take a little road trip to McCoy Stadium.The minor leagues deserve our support just as much as the big guys. 
10. Thou shalt take joy in upholding the traditions of sporting events. Singing "Sweet Caroline" at a Sox game, tailgating in the Gillette Stadium parking lot before at Pats game, getting an iconic Fenway Frank, and hating the Habs are all part of being a Boston fan, and we wouldn't trade it for all the Yankees World Series pennants. 
    

New York sports teams are arguably the biggest rivals of New England teams, the Yankees, and Giants being two of the more (in)famous ones. The nightmare of wearing a Boston jersey in any of the 5 boroughs is wicked real (I may be a crazy Masshole, but I’m not insane-- you’ll never catch me in a Big Papi shirt above 125^th street). And to any “Massholes” who own a Yankees hat, get your priorities straight and come back to the light side—we have Belichick. 

Dunks of the Day: Iced coffee (IT'S WICKED NICE WEATHER OUT HALLE-FRICKIN-LUJAH!) with blueberry flavor. I'm not going to bother talking about the Sweet'n'Low count...