Historically Accurate (You’re Welcome America)

I'm sure the last thing you want on the Internet is a schooling lesson from yours truly. Have no fear-- this is Masshole History 617, and you'll ace it.

Massachusetts has played a significant role in American history since the Pilgrims, seeking religious freedom, founded Plymouth Colony in 1620. As one of the most important of the 13 colonies, and one of the six New England states, Massachusetts became a leader in resisting British oppression. In 1773, the Boston Tea Party protested unjust taxation. English explorer and colonist John Smith named the state for the Massachuset tribe. Boston, the state capital, was a hotbed of activity, including the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party, during the American Revolution. Our state is also known for sparking the American Industrial Revolution with the growth of textile mills in Lowell, and for its large Irish-American population.

We've been around forever. Massholes were at the birth of our great nation, 
and continue to thrive in their native habitat.

Capital: Boston; "Bahstahn"

Population: 6,547,629 (2010)

Nickname: Bay State

Motto: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (“By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty”)

Flower: mayflower (1918)

Tree: American elm (1941)

Bird: Chickadee (1941)

Song: “All Hail to Massachusetts” (1966)-- I figured it was "Shipping Up to Boston"...

Beverage: Cranberry juice (1970)-- The bogs are so gorgeous. And you thought the Cape was all sand and booze.

Insect: Ladybug (1974)-- So cute!

Cookie: chocolate chip (1997)-- The ubiquitous Tollhouse Chocolate chip cookie was invented by Ruth Wakefield, an inn owner in Whitman, MA. 

Dessert: Boston cream pie (1996)-- Is it even a question?


Historical Sites You Went on Field Trips to as a Young'un

Carriage Rides and Churning Butter @ Old Sturbridge Village

Plymouth Rock (the subject of so many School House Rock songs #memories)

THE BRITISH ARE COMING... to Paul Revere's house in Boston

Battleship Cove in Fall River

The New Bedford Whaling Museum

Walking The Freedom Trail

Famous Bay-Staters in History

Samuel Adams patriot
Louisa May Alcott writer
Susan B. Anthony woman suffragist
Clara Barton American Red Cross founder
Benjamin Franklin statesman and scientist
John Hancock statesman
Nathaniel Hawthorne novelist
Herman Melville writer
Edgar Allan Poe writer (nevermore...)
Paul Revere silversmith and Revolutionary War figure
Henry David Thoreau author
Eli Whitney inventor

Needless to say, Massachusetts is home to bad-ass historical figures, epic sites that hold fond memories for us, and anyone who reads a US history book, and a whole mess of adorable official state items. 

Leave a comment sharing your favorite thing about historical MA!

"Wicked Awesome" & Other Masshole Slang

For the first time in months, I was told "...and I love your accent".

I'm pretty sure I don't have the typical Boston accent (you can hear all my "r's" and I'm too much of a prep for that). However, I do forget that when I use inherently "Masshole" terminology, it confuses people from out of state. And considering I go to school with a large population of Texans and Californians, things can get dicey fast. Words like "rotary" aren't just for phones in MA, and calling something/someone the derogatory term "wicked" can be the greatest compliment in the 617/508/413. 

I've compiled a list of "frequently heard Masshole terms" for all those who have ever questioned my sanity based on the highly regionally-specific slang I use in every day conversation. Definitions brought to you by Masshole.com and Boston College, and edited by yours truly. 

• Breakdown Lane-- Highway shoulder. Also, an oxymoron -- the last place you want to break down in greater Boston is in the breakdown lane, especially during rush hour, when it becomes the high-speed lane (in some places, even legally).

• Bubbler-- That's a water fountain to the rest of the country/world.

• Candlepins-- Boston bowling; involves tiny little pins and tiny little balls (the pins are so hard to hit, you get three tries a frame).

• The Cape - Cape Cod

• Children's - Children's Hospital Boston

• Comm Ave - Commonwealth Avenue

• The Common - Boston Common. Never "Boston Commons", unless you want to cement your out-of-stater status. 

• Decked - adj., dressed nicely ("decked out"); past tense verb, to have been punched

• Jimmies - Those little chocolate sprinkles you get on top of your ice cream cone.

• Packie - Where you buy liquor. Used to be closed on Sundays, but voters repealed most of the remaining Blue Laws in Nov., 1994. (Take that AA). 

• The Pike - The Massachusetts Turnpike. Also, the world's longest parking lot, at least out by Sturbridge on the day before Thanksgiving.

• Rotary - A traffic circle. One of Massachusetts' two main contributions to the art of traffic regulation (the other being the red-and-yellow pedestrian-crossing light).

• Sketchy - A term used, most often by teenagers, referring to something strange or out of place (such as a suspicious person). This has had a recent resurgence in popularity and is big with the ages 12-16 Masshole crowd. 

• The T - The Boston subway system. Represents the triumph of sweaty logic, or something, because it does not actually stand for any single word.

• Triple-decker - Boston's contribution to architecture -- a narrow, three-story house, in which each floor is a separate apartment. 

• Westa Wuhstuh - Terra incognita; beyond the bounds of civilization; my father's birthplace; location of the New England Six Flags.

• Wicked - A general intensifier: "He's wicked loud!" Almost always used as an adverb, rather than an adjective. Some Bostonians feel it is grammatically improper not to put an adjective or verb after "wicked"... they would be correct. 

• Wicked pissa! - Something that's way cool.

Fellow Massholes, feel free to comment and add your own words or phrases that I forgot. 

Confused out-of-staters, y'all can leave comments with any remaining questions you have.

Also, a wicked big shout out to my Russian readers! They've been incredibly loyal, and I truly appreciate their readership and continued dedication to Big Apple Masshole. 
Спасибо всем большое за чтение моего блога. Вы были превосходны в моем блоге аудитории , и я ценю вас очень много.

Masshole Clothing from Sully's Brand

Other than highly weather inappropriate shorts in the winter and ubiquitous Red Sox jerseys Massholes don't really have a set "uniform". For most of the Massholes in suburbia, it's safe to assume that you can find them in jeans, a T-shirt and a baseball cap. For the people who live and work in the big city (Boston) donning a tie or maybe a crisp blazer will do the trick. 

However, for those of us that really want to represent our "Masshole pride" look no further in the apparel sold at Sully's Brand clothing.  With a physical location in the lovely town of Peabody, and an online store on the great, wide web, shoppers can find a plethora of Boston and Masshole themed apparel. From hats, to beer steins to sweatshirts emblazoned with "Masshole", "Boston", or any of our sports team logos, Sully's Brand has it all.

I'll link Sully's website for those of you who don't need to read the rest of this post because you're already convinced. However for those of you that are interested in reading the post let me tell you little bit about the item I bought at Sully's.

I am the proud owner of a clever and comfy Masshole T-shirt. Done in the "Jack Daniels label" style, this black and white homage to Mass townie pride is sure to be a wardrobe staple. The crew neck cotton shirt is comfortable enough for lounging around on game day, and shows off your love of the Bay State to a T. Personally, crew necks drive me bananas, so I cut a small notch on mine to loosen the neck, and add a new aesthetic touch.

One of my favorite aspects of this shirt is the word "attitude". Masshole a have plenty of it, and wearing one of my character traits can serve as a proper warning for those that come into contact with me.

Final shout out to Sully's Brand and their dedication to making their customer happy-- they included a free car freshener and bumper sticker with the shirt. While I don't drive in the city (to everyone's benefit), it was a cute touch, and definitely did not go unnoticed.

Overall, a big thanks to Sully's Brand and their fantastic products. Keep doing what you're doing guys, and stay #BostonStrong.

http://www.sullysbrand.com/