Historically Accurate (You’re Welcome America)

I'm sure the last thing you want on the Internet is a schooling lesson from yours truly. Have no fear-- this is Masshole History 617, and you'll ace it.

Massachusetts has played a significant role in American history since the Pilgrims, seeking religious freedom, founded Plymouth Colony in 1620. As one of the most important of the 13 colonies, and one of the six New England states, Massachusetts became a leader in resisting British oppression. In 1773, the Boston Tea Party protested unjust taxation. English explorer and colonist John Smith named the state for the Massachuset tribe. Boston, the state capital, was a hotbed of activity, including the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party, during the American Revolution. Our state is also known for sparking the American Industrial Revolution with the growth of textile mills in Lowell, and for its large Irish-American population.

We've been around forever. Massholes were at the birth of our great nation, 
and continue to thrive in their native habitat.

Capital: Boston; "Bahstahn"

Population: 6,547,629 (2010)

Nickname: Bay State

Motto: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (“By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty”)

Flower: mayflower (1918)

Tree: American elm (1941)

Bird: Chickadee (1941)

Song: “All Hail to Massachusetts” (1966)-- I figured it was "Shipping Up to Boston"...

Beverage: Cranberry juice (1970)-- The bogs are so gorgeous. And you thought the Cape was all sand and booze.

Insect: Ladybug (1974)-- So cute!

Cookie: chocolate chip (1997)-- The ubiquitous Tollhouse Chocolate chip cookie was invented by Ruth Wakefield, an inn owner in Whitman, MA. 

Dessert: Boston cream pie (1996)-- Is it even a question?


Historical Sites You Went on Field Trips to as a Young'un

Carriage Rides and Churning Butter @ Old Sturbridge Village

Plymouth Rock (the subject of so many School House Rock songs #memories)

THE BRITISH ARE COMING... to Paul Revere's house in Boston

Battleship Cove in Fall River

The New Bedford Whaling Museum

Walking The Freedom Trail

Famous Bay-Staters in History

Samuel Adams patriot
Louisa May Alcott writer
Susan B. Anthony woman suffragist
Clara Barton American Red Cross founder
Benjamin Franklin statesman and scientist
John Hancock statesman
Nathaniel Hawthorne novelist
Herman Melville writer
Edgar Allan Poe writer (nevermore...)
Paul Revere silversmith and Revolutionary War figure
Henry David Thoreau author
Eli Whitney inventor

Needless to say, Massachusetts is home to bad-ass historical figures, epic sites that hold fond memories for us, and anyone who reads a US history book, and a whole mess of adorable official state items. 

Leave a comment sharing your favorite thing about historical MA!

Boston vs NYC: Duking out the Greatest Rivalry Since Cain and Abel

As I mentioned in my first post, I'm a born-and-bred Masshole who moved to New York City a couple of years ago. I've been lucky enough to spend my life in the best cities in MA and NY, and don't even try to argue otherwise. Neither Worcester nor Albany could hold a birthday-cake-candle to Boston and NYC. Conversely, Worcester and Albany don't argue like bratty step-siblings about everything (*ahem* Boston and NYC). Whether it be sports, public transit, or famous food, these cities and their inhabitants can't seem to agree on the right way to do anything, because of course 'our' way is always best. 

Both cities have special spots in my heart (only the Boston spot bleeds when one of our sports teams loses, but more on that later). Like all things, Boston and ze Big Apple each have a plethora of pros and cons, so I'm gonna hash out the pluses (+) and minuses (--) for my favorite metropolises. 

Boston

+Riding the swan boats and climbing all over the Make Way for Ducklings statues in Boston Common is a rite-of-passage for any Masshole kid (or adult-- the fun transcends age and "maturity").

+Boston and MA as a whole have some of the richest histories in the country. In fact, the Founding Fathers heard Paul Revere's warning from their Massachusetts homes. And they definitely weren't tossing tea into the Gulf of Mexico.

Swan Boats at the Public Garden

Yours truly with the Ducklings statues

--Driving or even walking through Boston requires a compass and whistle for when I inevitably get lost, have to hug a mailbox, and shout for help.The subway doesn't run all night, and when it is running, the MBTA finds some way to make life difficult (three hour delays anyone?). 

--Reasonably priced parking near any desirable location? Dream on. It's usually an expensive nightmare, and especially annoying when you kill your rental car’s battery in the $22/hour Prudential parking lot and don't have your AAA card. Not that that ever happened to me at midnight a couple days before Christmas... 

NYC
+I don’t have to drive! Hallelujah for my wallet because my insurance costs are higher than Snoop Dogg was in the 90's. The extensive subway system and your feet can take you everywhere [worth going]; far away areas of Queens and the Bronx need not apply.
+New York has a definite magnetism. Be it Rockefeller Plaza at Christmas, or the East Village on a random Friday night, New York draws you in. Listening to some Frank Sinatra and walking to Grand Central Station creates a better high than any drug (crack is whack, stay in school). 

Walk this way to public transit.

--It usually reeks in New York, and it's pretty inescapable. Pray for a perpetual sinus infection to be spared from the NYC stench.
--The Yankees. Enough said. #ReversedTheCurse2004

The Big Apple and Boston aren't always at odds with one another, in fact they have a fair amount of common ground. Both these cities are home to nasty rivers-- NYC's East River is a glorified body dumping ground (I've never seen one, but Law&Order SVU would suggest otherwise). And in Boston, the Charles is still toxic, even after all the cleaning attempts over the decades. NYC and Boston can boast intensely prideful inhabitants (I <3 NY and #BostonStrong, anyone?), and we effing love our sports teams.

Dunks of the Day
Large Vanilla Iced Coffee. 6 Splendas. Not enough caffeine.

America and I run on Dunks