Masshole Clothing from Sully's Brand

Other than highly weather inappropriate shorts in the winter and ubiquitous Red Sox jerseys Massholes don't really have a set "uniform". For most of the Massholes in suburbia, it's safe to assume that you can find them in jeans, a T-shirt and a baseball cap. For the people who live and work in the big city (Boston) donning a tie or maybe a crisp blazer will do the trick. 

However, for those of us that really want to represent our "Masshole pride" look no further in the apparel sold at Sully's Brand clothing.  With a physical location in the lovely town of Peabody, and an online store on the great, wide web, shoppers can find a plethora of Boston and Masshole themed apparel. From hats, to beer steins to sweatshirts emblazoned with "Masshole", "Boston", or any of our sports team logos, Sully's Brand has it all.

I'll link Sully's website for those of you who don't need to read the rest of this post because you're already convinced. However for those of you that are interested in reading the post let me tell you little bit about the item I bought at Sully's.

I am the proud owner of a clever and comfy Masshole T-shirt. Done in the "Jack Daniels label" style, this black and white homage to Mass townie pride is sure to be a wardrobe staple. The crew neck cotton shirt is comfortable enough for lounging around on game day, and shows off your love of the Bay State to a T. Personally, crew necks drive me bananas, so I cut a small notch on mine to loosen the neck, and add a new aesthetic touch.

One of my favorite aspects of this shirt is the word "attitude". Masshole a have plenty of it, and wearing one of my character traits can serve as a proper warning for those that come into contact with me.

Final shout out to Sully's Brand and their dedication to making their customer happy-- they included a free car freshener and bumper sticker with the shirt. While I don't drive in the city (to everyone's benefit), it was a cute touch, and definitely did not go unnoticed.

Overall, a big thanks to Sully's Brand and their fantastic products. Keep doing what you're doing guys, and stay #BostonStrong.

http://www.sullysbrand.com/ 

New England Sports-- It’s a Religion

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate New England sports and all the traditions that accompany our favorite Masshole teams.

You might think I'm kidding about how seriously we Massholes take our sports, but you would be sorely mistaken. To put it in perspective, I've attended at least one Red Sox game every year since I was born, no questions asked. The fan base that surrounds New England professional sports can aptly be described as a religion (maybe even a cult, depending on the season). Keeping with the religious tone of the topic, this post will discuss the "10 Commandments of New England Pro Sports". Sit back, play some Dropkick Murphy's, and add your favorite Masshole sports tradition/team/et cetera in the comments.

1. Thou shalt admit that Fenway is truly the "Masshole Mecca". Die-hard Sox fans make it their life's mission to journey to Fenway as frequently as possible. Our stadium might not be the biggest, newest or fanciest, but it has history, sentimental value and iconic hot dogs that make the experience inimitable. 
   
2. All Massholes shall take rivalries damn seriously. Be it against the Yankees in baseball, or the Lakers in basketball, we stand by our teams, and are relentlessly loyal. These rivalries transcend borders as well, and the Bruins long-standing rivalry with the Montreal Canadiens in hockey is still fiercely present. Some may call our loyalty classless and ridiculous; we call it love. 
3. Ye shall always revere the Sox reversing the curse. The 2004 World Series was one of the greatest moments for Boston fans. It trumped every momentous event in your life, including your cousin's wedding, getting that new puppy and passing the bar (not that bar, you lush). 
4. Thou shall root for two baseball teams-- the Red Sox and whoever beats the damn Yankees. *Slogan available on t-shirts everywhere in the 617
5. Ye all secretly wish the Celtics would bring the Larry Bird- style shorts back as the team's official uniform. Short-shorts and a tucked-in shirt have never looked so good. 
   
6. Ye Masshole fans shall be constantly agitated on game day, no matter if we're winning or losing. We invest ourselves so deeply into every games that we can't sit still during for more than half an inning/quarter/period (sometimes because we're making multiple trips back to the snack bar to grab more beer and pretzels). Even when you're watching at home, the emotional investment doesn't waver  bit. Masshole-centric neighborhoods echo with the collective cheers/groans/"LUUUUUUUC"/insults at the ref during game day. 
7. Thou shalt shed a tear whenever our teams win a championship (most recently when we slayed at the Superbowl-- the tears were ever-flowing). My dad still gets weepy when anyone mentions the 2001 Pats win. Even this wicked glorious image makes you a little teary in the best possible way.
   
8. Ye all (men and women) will openly admit Tom Brady is a national treasure, and supporting his gorgeous face both on and off the field. The man, the myth, the legend, the perfection. 
9. Ye shall attend at least one Rhode Island Pawtucket Red Sox games once in your life. Go take a little road trip to McCoy Stadium.The minor leagues deserve our support just as much as the big guys. 
10. Thou shalt take joy in upholding the traditions of sporting events. Singing "Sweet Caroline" at a Sox game, tailgating in the Gillette Stadium parking lot before at Pats game, getting an iconic Fenway Frank, and hating the Habs are all part of being a Boston fan, and we wouldn't trade it for all the Yankees World Series pennants. 
    

New York sports teams are arguably the biggest rivals of New England teams, the Yankees, and Giants being two of the more (in)famous ones. The nightmare of wearing a Boston jersey in any of the 5 boroughs is wicked real (I may be a crazy Masshole, but I’m not insane-- you’ll never catch me in a Big Papi shirt above 125^th street). And to any “Massholes” who own a Yankees hat, get your priorities straight and come back to the light side—we have Belichick. 

Dunks of the Day: Iced coffee (IT'S WICKED NICE WEATHER OUT HALLE-FRICKIN-LUJAH!) with blueberry flavor. I'm not going to bother talking about the Sweet'n'Low count...

Boston vs NYC: Duking out the Greatest Rivalry Since Cain and Abel

As I mentioned in my first post, I'm a born-and-bred Masshole who moved to New York City a couple of years ago. I've been lucky enough to spend my life in the best cities in MA and NY, and don't even try to argue otherwise. Neither Worcester nor Albany could hold a birthday-cake-candle to Boston and NYC. Conversely, Worcester and Albany don't argue like bratty step-siblings about everything (*ahem* Boston and NYC). Whether it be sports, public transit, or famous food, these cities and their inhabitants can't seem to agree on the right way to do anything, because of course 'our' way is always best. 

Both cities have special spots in my heart (only the Boston spot bleeds when one of our sports teams loses, but more on that later). Like all things, Boston and ze Big Apple each have a plethora of pros and cons, so I'm gonna hash out the pluses (+) and minuses (--) for my favorite metropolises. 

Boston

+Riding the swan boats and climbing all over the Make Way for Ducklings statues in Boston Common is a rite-of-passage for any Masshole kid (or adult-- the fun transcends age and "maturity").

+Boston and MA as a whole have some of the richest histories in the country. In fact, the Founding Fathers heard Paul Revere's warning from their Massachusetts homes. And they definitely weren't tossing tea into the Gulf of Mexico.

Swan Boats at the Public Garden

Yours truly with the Ducklings statues

--Driving or even walking through Boston requires a compass and whistle for when I inevitably get lost, have to hug a mailbox, and shout for help.The subway doesn't run all night, and when it is running, the MBTA finds some way to make life difficult (three hour delays anyone?). 

--Reasonably priced parking near any desirable location? Dream on. It's usually an expensive nightmare, and especially annoying when you kill your rental car’s battery in the $22/hour Prudential parking lot and don't have your AAA card. Not that that ever happened to me at midnight a couple days before Christmas... 

NYC
+I don’t have to drive! Hallelujah for my wallet because my insurance costs are higher than Snoop Dogg was in the 90's. The extensive subway system and your feet can take you everywhere [worth going]; far away areas of Queens and the Bronx need not apply.
+New York has a definite magnetism. Be it Rockefeller Plaza at Christmas, or the East Village on a random Friday night, New York draws you in. Listening to some Frank Sinatra and walking to Grand Central Station creates a better high than any drug (crack is whack, stay in school). 

Walk this way to public transit.

--It usually reeks in New York, and it's pretty inescapable. Pray for a perpetual sinus infection to be spared from the NYC stench.
--The Yankees. Enough said. #ReversedTheCurse2004

The Big Apple and Boston aren't always at odds with one another, in fact they have a fair amount of common ground. Both these cities are home to nasty rivers-- NYC's East River is a glorified body dumping ground (I've never seen one, but Law&Order SVU would suggest otherwise). And in Boston, the Charles is still toxic, even after all the cleaning attempts over the decades. NYC and Boston can boast intensely prideful inhabitants (I <3 NY and #BostonStrong, anyone?), and we effing love our sports teams.

Dunks of the Day
Large Vanilla Iced Coffee. 6 Splendas. Not enough caffeine.

America and I run on Dunks